Fifty Shades Of Bored

Published October 6, 2013 by M E McMahon

yawn

About a month ago, I was talking with a friend of mine and she mentioned that she had just finished reading a Number One Bestseller titled “Fifty Shades of Grey.”  When I asked her what it was about, she winked at me and said that it was a very different kind of love story.  She offered to lend me her copy and I quickly snatched it up and raced home with it!

I had heard the book was a bestseller but other than that, I had no idea of what to expect from this 2011 Bestseller by E L James.  Within one-half hour, I started to yawn…after another tedious fifteen minutes spent in the company of Christian and Anastasia I threw the book on my nightstand and decided not to waste any more of my evening on such a poorly written novel.

I finally plowed through the rest of the book over the next few weeks (I am a fast reader, but I kept falling asleep while reading it).  Once I finished, I set it down and wondered how in the sweet heavens above anyone considered this book worthy of a place on the bestseller list.

The dialogue was dull, the characters fell flat and the whole concept of BDSM was a major turnoff for me.  I’ve been more captivated by the writing on the back of a box of Cheerios than I was by this novel.

The characters had a major problem…they weren’t believable…they weren’t likable and they weren’t interesting at all.  The sex was explicit…much too explicit for my taste.  I found myself turning page after page to get past the bondage, submission and graphic sex scenes and a never ending set of contracts setting out “hard” and “soft” limits the woman was willing to endure in exchange for some fancy duds and jewelery.

I’d rather imagine a sexy vampire nibbling on my neck with a promise of eternal love than a pompous putz who wants me to sign a contract that allows him to use me to fulfill his desire for BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadism/masochism).

Somehow this book sold over 50 million copies…I just wonder how many of those 50 million readers actually enjoyed the book.  I know that I felt the time I wasted turning it’s pages could have been spent in the company of a talented author with a real story to tell.

There was one thing I was very thankful for…I didn’t buy this book, it was borrowed.  I’m certainly not going to buy the two sequels and you won’t find me in line at the movie theater when Universal releases it’s film version of this novel.  There are too many talented authors out there for me to read to waste a minute more on the antics of these two ridiculous characters.

You might guess that I would rate this book a zero and give it a huge thumbs down. I do recommend you buy it if you suffer from insomnia…it’s a sure cure for those sleepless nights!

Yours in Writing,

M E

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37 comments on “Fifty Shades Of Bored

  • Because I was poor and couldn’t afford to buy books at the time and need to read in the loo when I do my business, I suffered through all three. I held out a SMALL, MINUTE ray of hope that the other books would get better – much to my chagrin, they did not. The sex scenes weren’t even remotely a turn-on – no seduction, no subtlety, no real emotion behind them with her juvenile narrative and his boring behavior. I will say I write a sight better smut than HER any day and DO so wonder how she even got paid with that craptastic series >.<

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    • Evidently, although she didn’t have a good editor, copywriter or publisher, she must have had an excellent public relations person to promote this bomb. I feel bad that you were subjected to her other two books…I would have lent you some so your time in the loo was less painful! 🙂

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  • I have a feeling my reaction to this novel would be similar to yours, which is why I have abstained from reading it. I heard that the sex scenes almost felt like a clinical description, and thus were decidedly un-sexy.

    Yet I have heard numerous people who love this novel. I’m kind of curious as to what they love about it – does it make them feel naughty? Do you have any guesses as to what people have enjoyed about this novel?

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    • I haven’t a clue what people found to like in this book. The subject matter was unique…although I have seen BDSM portrayed in television lately…it’s a disturbing trend. But, other than the sex, I can’t think of a thing that makes this a worthy novel!

      My friend said she found it sexy…I found myself wondering about her! 🙂

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  • I learned a lot from this book. Marketing, marketing, marketing. It is similar to video clips that go viral on utube. We are living in a social media world and we need to understand it and embrace it if possible. If you could harness even a tenth of it for your book you’d be laughing.
    Having written all that I only actively tweeted for the first time a week ago!

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  • Apparently, it was a big hit at work. We don’t have many women where I work (about 10 maybe), and I couldn’t get far enough away from them during lunch breaks — that’s all they kept talking about! I generally immerse myself in my Kindle, and at the time this was the office rage, I was reading “Black Beauty.” These women were incensed that I was reading a “children’s” and not this faux love story (as I call it). I snapped back, “Why should I read fiction when my husband and I were the inspiration for “Fifty Shades”? That shut them up.

    I, like you, don’t really like the genre of “Fifty Shades” and similarly ridiculous books. There are so many other topics I rather truly enjoy!

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    • It’s amazing to me that women related in any way. I, like you, would choose Black Beauty any day! From what I’m seeing on the Internet, it was more of a “challenge” by women’s peers to read the book.

      I absolutely loved that comeback you gave them!

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  • It will be hitting the big screen in the near future One of the actors from Sons of Anarchy plays Christian Grey and Dakota Johnson plays Anastasia Steele. Perhaps order a pillow instead of Popcorn…LOL Scheduled to be released in 2014.

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  • I really don’t get the appeal of the whole BDSM thing either, it’s a complete turnoff for me, and I’d have to pull out a can of whoop @zz on any guy who even thought about getting near me with a set of handcuffs.

    A lot of people on the net seem to be very into it, even though I will never ever understand why. I personally know people who are into it in more than just an online roleplay sense, and honestly I worry for some of them. I just don’t see how letting yourself be hurt and abused like they seem to think is normal can be considered fun or anywhere near something resembling a loving relationship. Don’t ask me how, but that’s the way they see it.

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    • I watched an episode of Criminal Minds that dealt with the BDSM issues…somehow, this practice seems to be becoming popular. It worries me and confuses me also. After coming from an abusive childhood and having gone through 2 abusive relationships, I can’t imagine voluntarily subjecting myself to abuse…I can’t even imagine how being beat or put in bondage could be exciting.

      Let’s hope it’s just a phasing phase and that real sex and real love comes back as the popular theme!

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  • Hmmm…methinks that it’s the explicit sex that was getting all the people to buy (maybe enjoy too?) …I shouldn’t be cynical, but porn in all it’s forms have been selling to millions for years…even if we choose to call it by a different name, a rose is a rose…you describe porn when you say, weak characters, lousy plot and explicit sex…

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  • Crank, I couldn’t agree more. The most gut-wrenching fact to me is this book started out as Twilight fanfiction! I pushed myself to get through 7 or so chapters before giving up. Every point you make above is why I abandoned this waste-of-time novel. What’s even more frustrating is there are authors with REAL talent out there who can’t get published. It’s certainly a sign of the publishing times. I’m sure the publisher who picked this trash up saw $$$ potential and nothing else, writing ability be damned. I’m ashamed to admit I downloaded this book during the peak of the fever pitch. Yes, I jumped on the bandwagon, but lesson learned. My biggest regret is wasting $10 that could have been better spent on a package of socks.

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    • What worried me most about this book is it was publicized as Twilight fanfiction…which means young adults. My God, what kind of message did that author mean to send out to our young?

      But, putting my personal “yuck” aside regarding BDSM, I so agree that this book was poorly written and poorly developed. An eight grader could have done better. My advice to the author is take the money and run!

      I hope if I ever succeed in selling 50 million books, that I would be proud to say I wrote them! Can she say that? I think not.

      I worried that my post sounded a bit “prudish” and I was coming off as a literary snob…but based on the comments…I hit the mark with this review. So, where are the millions who “loved” this book. Are they afraid to come forward? 🙂

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  • And that’s not the end of it. As one of your readers mentioned above, the film is set to release next year – how will they pull this off of with an R rating? Not to mention all the nauseating copycat series that are crowding the shelves at every major bookseller. Kind of depressing for those of us who hope to publish someday.

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  • I couldn’t agree with you more. To be honest, I did plow through all 3 books out of curiousity. I couldn’t understand what all the hype was about. Did nobody ever read a book with sex in it? Was that the thrill? It certainly wasn’t a best seller in my eyes either yet it got so much publicity that people were buying it just to find out what the buzz was, that’s all that matters when the bucks are flying in. 🙂 Come visit me, I miss you guys 😦

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